The past couple of months have seen some fine, fine examples of popular fighting games adapted for the screen, albeit in very short formats. We had Mortal Kombat: Rebirth, and for the Street Fighter side, we got Legacy and Beginning’s End. The catch, though, is that these were either fan-made or in Mortal Kombat’s case, a pitch for a major studio.
On the shorter, uglier end of the deal, it seems Hollywood still hasn’t gotten its head straight when it comes to turning fighting games into feature-length motion pictures. Let’s see… there’s Tekken, which is bad enough that even the developers hate it; and the upcoming King of Fighters which, judging from the trailer alone, is going to be horrible.
So, what of the bigger Hollywood adaptations of the past decade and a half? Well, as much I hate to say this, they’re mostly bad, ranging from hilariously bad, so-bad-it’s-good, to just plain abortion-level bad. So, let’s take a look at how Hollywood just god awfully whiffed with these moving pictures based on games about people punching, kicking, and in certain cases, flat-out murdering the living crap out of each other.
Street Fighter (1994)
Let’s start with the granddaddy of all fighting game movies, Street Fighter. Released during the height of the SF series’ popularity, frankly, it sounded like a good idea at the time. Thing is, I’m sure most of us, being quite young (and rather naive) at the time were all รขโฌลHOLY CRAP A LIVE ACTION STREET FIGHTER MOVIE!รขโฌย and that it was probably the greatest thing ever… next to the games themselves, anyway. Boy, were we proven wrong. It was campy, and had some of the goofiest scriptwriting this side of Chun-Li’s massive thighs. The worst crime of all, though, was taking the focus off of series protagonist Ryu and placing it on Guile, played by the unapologetically Belgian Jean Claude Van Damme. To add insult to injury to fanboys everywhere, Ryu and Ken were reduced to globe trotting con men from the wandering martial artists that they originally were. It also tried to shoehorn nearly every character they could into the movie, despite how little sense they made being part of the overarching story.
With all that said, Street Fighter did have its redeeming qualities. The late great Raul Julia turns in a damn fine performance as General M. Bison. Can you give anyone else who can rock that dictator uniform and red cape like nobody’s business?รย He really works up the camp factor to his advantage and spouts out some truly quotable lines here and there. It’s a damn shame that this was his last film project, because he died shortly after production on Street Fighter wrapped up. In fact, the day I got to write this article was the most important day of my life. For him, it was Tuesday. Let’s not also forget that one of the most (if not THE MOST) inspiring speeches in the history of inspirational speeches was delivered in this movie.
Mortal Kombat/Mortal Kombat Annihilation (1995/1997)
Not wanting to be cut out of the huge potential mother lode of cash that awaited them, Midway and New Line Cinema also cranked out an adaptation of the then controversial Mortal Kombat. Unlike Street Fighter, this one managed stay mostly faithful to its source material. It also helped that it had the Connor McLeod himself, Christopher Lambert as Raiden. Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa (who also happens to be Heihachi Mishima in the upcoming Tekken movie) is pretty memorable as series villain Shang Tsung, but still can’t match the greatness that is Raul Julia’s Bison. Plus, it’s also easy to mistake him for a middle-aged oriental woman with freakishly muscular arms.
Further to its credit, Mortal Kombat also had pretty good fight choreography for its time. But, like all other elements of this movie, it looks horribly dated by dated by today’s standards. I got to watch it recently and was semi-expecting crazy Ong Bak-style martial arts action, but instead, I got something more akin to an old Power Rangers episode. There was lots of unnecessary flipping, hilariously inept henchmen, and of course, the requisite post-fight poses. But hey, the animatronic Goro they used was pretty awesome, now that I think about it. Finally, let’s not forget about that sweet, sweet theme song.
About two years later, we got the cinematic monstrosity that was Mortal Kombat Annihilation. Yes, the first one wasn’t a compelling movie by a long shot, but it was watchable on the grounds of having pure, mindless, unrepentant ’90s kitsch bicycle kicked right into your face. First off, there was the glaring absence of Christopher Lambert. Once you found out he was replaced by James Remar (Ajax of The Warriors fame), you knew there was something seriously wrong here. Sorry, Mr. Remar, but there can only be one Raiden in my heart. The story made little to no sense at all, the script was all over the place, and the list goes on. Oh, did I mention that Shao Khan, Mortal Kombat 2 and 3’s badass final boss, was reduced to a whiny little bitch with daddy issues in this one? Yes, it happened.
Redeeming qualities, you ask? Well, that depends on your definition of รขโฌลredeemingรขโฌย. Enjoy, or cringe… or both.
DOA: Dead Or Alive (2006)
In 2006, we got the cinematic adaptation of Tecmo’s impossibly endowed Dead Or Alive series by way of Cory Yuen, director of 2002’s sublimely sexy So Close. The premise is simple: fighters from around the world are invited to a fighting tournament held on a rather clandestine island. Heard that before? Yeah, it’s pretty much Mortal Kombat, but it doesn’t take itself seriously (which is a plus, in my opinion) and has more attractive women participating. Behind the scenes, though, more sinister things are afoot, as is par for the course with most secret fighting tournaments held on islands. Silly premise aside, it really does present itself as a fun, brainless martial arts romp with PG-13 level titillation. Just in case you’re wondering… yes, there”s a volleyball sequence, too.
The casting is… okay. Everyone more or less manages to pull off the look of their in-game counterparts, and yes, that includes filling in erm, “certain” requirements. Let’s see, we’ve got Jaime Pressly as Tina, Holly Valance as Christie, Natasha Malthe as Ayane, and Sarah Carter as Helena. The film’s big bad is Dr. Victor Donovan, played by Eric Roberts who gains godly martial arts prowess through… wait for it… hi-tech sunglasses! Anyway, if you can manage to wrap your head around the idea of Eric Roberts fighting a month’s worth of Maxim/FHM-worthy ladies while wearing sweet looking shades, there’s fun to be had here. Devon Aoki as Kasumi looks a little erm, “underqualified” to fill her character’s amply spaced ninja top. Well, that and she just looks skinny and sickly next to everyone else. However, if you do manage to turn your brain off and take it for what it is at face value, this might just be one of the better ones right up there with Mortal Kombat.
And oh, enjoy the volleyball scene:
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)
This was directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak who was also at the helm of 2004’s Doom. Now, Doom was pretty bad, so you sort of know what to expect here. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever really sat through this one. Fine, so it did what Mortal Kombat: Rebirth did and tried to take an established fighting franchise and putting it in a gritty, somewhat realistic setting. However, the execution just completely falls flat on its face. Chun-Li is no longer an Interpol agent but a privileged daddy’s girl, Bison is an evil real estate mogul (yes, you read that right), and that dude from the Black Eyed Peas is Vega. To be fair, Michael Clark Duncan would’ve been a badass Balrog if he had the right material to work with. But, it still really does make you wonder what the casting department was on, especially when they got Chris Klein (of American Pie fame) to deliver what could very well be the most hilarious Nicolas Cage impressions ever caught on film. The entire script by Justin Marks itself was already quite ham-fisted to begin with, but Mr. Klein here takes things to a completely different level. Need proof? Here:
And you thought that was funny, huh? Wait ’til you hear about Bison’s origin story and his motivations. There’s very little here in this movie that actually makes any sense whatsoever. I know, this is Street Fighter we’re talking about. But, a supposedly more realistic take on the universe is one of the worst steps one could take. 1994’s take movie tried it and failed, but there was one shining difference… it wasn’t trying too hard. Legend of Chun-Li is what the first Street Fighter movie could’ve been if all the fun was sucked out of it. Nope, not even Capcom’s blessing, or being released in nearly the same timeframe as the revered Street Fighter IV could save it. It even became one half of that awful early 2009 2-hit combo or cinematic awfulness alongside Dragonball: Evolution.
How’s this for a closer? This marks Robin Shou’s fourth appearance in a movie based on a fighting game. He has: the two MK movies, then DOA where he plays the leader of a gang of pirates, and finally miscast as Gen in Legend of Chun-Li.
Note: Yes, I’m well aware that Tekken’s out in theaters as we speak. This article was meant to go up earlier, but I got sidetracked by health problems. The Tekken review will be in a separate article.
